1. The guy that you’re interested in may have a lot of competition in the dating arena. Multiple dates with other people or constant texts that he’s Mr Popular are sure evidence of that. But, saying that Mr Popular will always make time for you if he is just playing hard to get. On the other hand if he’s truly not interested then he will be impossible to pin down for some one or one time. That’s when you know he’s has a different agenda and is just stringing you along.
2. Another sure sign that he’s truly interested in you is the fact that you’re getting clear and present vibes or messages that he wants to be “caught” by you. If he’s truly not interested then you will find yourself asking “does he really even like me?” It’s a subtle difference indeed, but one which you will need to dig deep into your gut feelings and really feel this out. Sometimes it really is as obvious as “hey, I really like you”, but most often it’s not, so you need to look out for your best interests.
3. The guy that’s interested in you will also take the time out of his day to call you on the phone because they actually care about your feelings. Mr Not Interested is only interested in his own feelings and agenda, sorry to say it. If he’s just playing hard to get that call will be important to him as he does not want to drive you away and hurt your feelings in the process.
4. If he calls to cancel a date with you, but is super vague on the phone when you ask to reschedule, you can hedge a sure bet that he’s not interested in you. However, if Mr Playing Hard To Get has to cancel on you, there’s a sure sign that he already has something planned in regards to date, time and place. He doesn’t want to leave you hanging or lose you so he has a plan up his sleeve to keep you around.
5. If a guy shows true interest in your personal life and asks questions about your friends, family, work and hobbies, you can bet he’s taking a true interest in you as a person and what makes you tick. He’s definitely interested if he’s taking the time to ask these questions, On the other side of things, Mr Not Interest won’t be asking these personal questions, he’ll just be keeping in touch for the bare minimum “hi, how’re you doing?” In fact he has nothing on his agenda but using you as a listening ear, counselor and coach. Be aware of the difference between these two types of guys.

Think back to when you two first met. Hold that thought in your mind. Now think about what it was that attracted him to you. More than likely it was your fierce independent streak that had him fascinated and chasing you down. If you’re seriously wanting your guy to pop the question to you, then get on your thinking cap, bust out of the same old rut and start demonstrating some of that old pizazz. Surprise him on a Sunday afternoon by taking him to an artificial ski slope-in July. Try your hand at learning swing dancing. Anything that keeps the relationship fresh is a good thing that will have him coming back for me. If he feels that the relationship is interesting, then he’s definitely going to want to commit to you and pop that question.

Many guys fear that they’re going to lose their freedom with the tethers of marriage are applied to their relationship. Not true. It’s up to you to guide your guy and show him that he’s not going to lose his freedom because of this commitment. Let him go to his weekly poker games or play extended rounds of golf. Don’t chastise him for being away too long or the fact he brings mud in the house. Respect his decisions, fears and tastes and you’ll find a guy that’s ready to go the long haul with you.

Here’s one you want to pay close attention to. Do not, I repeat do not give him an ultimatum. If you’re planning to kill the idea of marriage, by all means go ahead and try this on your guy, but yeah, not advised. At all. The more you put pressure on your guy by saying “marry me or it’s over”, the more likely it is that he’s going to up and leave. I’m serious, guys respond to pressure as well as when you shake a 2 liter of soda, and we all know how that ends up. Instead you can gently probe him by asking questions such as “do you want to get married eventually?” or “do you want to settle down in the future?” That’s about as low pressure as it gets ladies.

Lastly,  just because he hasn’t asked you yet doesn’t mean he’s never going to. He may be saving up for the ring of your dreams, or perhaps a trip to a romantic place that he pop the question to you. There should not be any rush to this, after all you will have a lifetime together. If you can put any or all of these strategies together then you will be on the road to a happy and long lived relationship together.

Once a woman is in a long term relationship, nothing can be more worrisome than the notion that her partner is pulling away. Sometimes, she may just be experiencing the so-called “pull away syndrome”, where she actually worries about nothing at all. This misconception commonly occurs if she herself has misgivings about continuing the relationship. On the other hand, there are some situations wherein the man clearly and objectively begins pulling away.

Signs that Your Man is Pulling Away

One example usually occurs when a series of promising dates culminates in that one spectacular date that seems too good to be true. Unbelievably, that actually precipitates your partner’s disappearing act. He reneges on set dates, avoids your calls as well as neglects to call your for days at a time. This probably occurs due to one of two things. First, he realizes the intensity of your feelings for him, but does not feel the same way. Or second, he realizes the intensity of your feelings for him AND feels exactly the same way. However, he begins to question whether or not he is the best man for you. The more he doubts his own merit as your partner, the farther and faster he’ll pull away. Either way, a mature man makes the effort to communicate with you. If he didn’t, he may have some issues he needs to resolve before he can sustain a healthy relationship.

Another sign of pulling away is when he avoids making even short-term plans with you, such as future dates and activities with friends. Whereas before, he casually mentioned introducing you to his family or planned a romantic getaway in the near future, now he no longer refers to his plans and evades questions regarding them. This could mean that he is no longer certain of your compatibility as a couple, or has discovered that he is simply not ready for long-term commitment.

Warning bells should start ringing once you notice a clear breakdown in communication. As mentioned above, he dodges your calls and replies to your questions with vague excuses. He no longer makes romantic overtures, even via phone or email. Once communication ceases, your relationship is in imminent danger of ending.

During times like this, one can only go so long without any explanation. If he doesn’t bring the subject up, it is up to you to do so. After all, it takes two to make a relationship work. Set a date in a quiet and private place free of distractions and calmly discuss the current situation. You can tell him that you’ve enjoyed his companionship for a long while now, and that you merely want to know if you are both on the same page with regards to your relationship. If he opens up and actually volunteers his issues, then you can both work on trying to resolve it. If, however, you discover that you have completely different and irreconcilable goals, at least you can make a clean break and both go on with the rest of your lives.

]]> http://www.makeamancommit.com/signs-that-your-man-is-pulling-away/feed/ 0 http://www.makeamancommit.com/how-to-make-a-man-adore-you/ http://www.makeamancommit.com/how-to-make-a-man-adore-you/#comments Sun, 15 Jul 2012 02:16:02 +0000 Relationship Advice Staff http://www.makeamancommit.com/?p=148 Attraction. The very thing that binds you together. It’s there throughout your entire relationship, but if you could make him adore you, now that would be a hole other ball game. Learning the skills it takes to have him eating out your hand is not terribly hard, you just need to use a little common sense and a few tricks you have up your sleeve. Now if your guy has a few, shall we say pursuers, it may be hard to get to get him on his own. Not to worry though, read on.

• Make yourself the center of attention when it comes to trying to snare him for the first time. This one is pure common sense, but sometimes women are afraid to let themselves be the center of attention. This is one instance where you need to let go of your inhibitions. Remember, you are the pursuer, not the hunter in this situation. If you’re at a party, place yourself right smack dab in the center of the room and surround yourself with interesting people. Smile, laugh, hell, even dance if you’re brave enough! The purpose is to get his attention here. Wearing a bright color will help catch his eye too. Don’t be a wallflower, go for it!
• Once you have him, keep that flame going. How do you do that, I hear you ask. Easy. Keep it interesting, you don’t have to give 110% once you’re in the relationship itself, but it is helpful if you can keep the mystery and intrigue going. Show him that you’re not totally dependent on his attention. When you go to parties or events, make it a priority to separate yourself from him and talk to other people. Show him that you remain that “it” girl even when you two are in an exclusive relationship together. As well, make sure you make it a point to introduce him to friends and acquaintances. Don’t let him be the wallflower either.
• Give him total respect, love and trust. Another no brainer. Give him undivided love, trust and respect and he’ll repay you tenfold and adore the very ground you’re walking on. What this means is that you need to respect all his personality traits, even the bad ones. If he forgets to shut drawers or put keys or shoes away, hey, no big deal. Learn to live with the things that make him, him. Guys appreciate that they’re left to be who they are. Just don’t make yourself a pushover with things. There is a fine line between trust, respect and love and a doormat. Learn to distinguish the two and your relationship will prosper.
• Keep your independence. The most important part of the relationship that will have him adoring you is the strong, independent woman that he first met. It’s easy to lose your identity within your relationship, but you’ll find that your relationship is much, much better if you can keep that flame of independence going. This kind of groups together my other points, but I really feel this is a key to a mutual attraction. No one likes a robotic girlfriend. What makes you, you, makes him adore you more.

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Firstly, you need to test the waters with your man to see if this is the right time for the next step to be taken. Hopefully by now you’ve both had the big discussion on what you both think about the bonds and commitment of marriage. If not, then you can subtly bring the subject up. Don’t say “hey, so when are we going to get hitched?” That’s huge pressure for your guy. Try something like “Do you think you’ll get married?” Much less pressure, and your guy won’t feel like you’re nagging him about it. If you keep asking and keep asking, then I’m afraid to say you’re less likely to get him to pop the question anytime soon.

Next tip is to keep your independence. What I mean by that is to keep doing what you love doing. Go out with the girls for a weekly girls night out, plan trips without him or show him you have a mind of your own. No guy is interested in a girl who wants to be a Stepford Wife. Don’t make yourself into something you’re not, that’s not who he’s attracted who. He values your own independence and understands that you’re not perfect, that’s what makes you attractive to him. Being independent makes him want to keep you forever and solidify his commitment to you.

Accepting him for who he is also a key to taking a step closer to him popping the question. A girl who nitpicks every little thing that their guy does is not marriage material. No, the woman who accepts his guys personality faults and all that goes with it, will be someone that he will be happy to spend the rest of his life with. He should accept your faults and personality quirks too. It’s all about mutual acceptance of each other. If he’s unwilling to bend and overly critical, then he’s not someone that you should be considering spending the rest of your life with.

If you can successfully apply all these tips, you should start to see positive changes in your relationship with your guy that will lead you straight down the road to marriage. Your guy wants to be with you, you just need to figure out the right timing for the both of you. Not har to do if you are both in tune with each other.

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How to Choose the Right Guy

Because we are all different. What suits you may not suit me, the trick is to find the  guy who best fits your personality needs and traits of you soul mate. Easier said than done, how do you go about finding if he is the best fit for you.

Think for a minute, what does he look like, does he have a sense of humor, is he settled in life, what you know about his profession, see where I am going with this. If you don’t know what he looks like, acts like, talks like, etc, you wouldn’t know if he is good for you right?

Here is an easy solution, simple but highly effective, it paves the way for better bonding, starting your relationship with the right person, avoid resentments down the lane because you know what you are getting into in the first place. So here we go.

Make a simple list, you heard me, make a simple list of what you are looking for, do I hear you say, oh not another list, I had enough of lists. Sing along with me and I can assure you that you will get a head start in picking the right guy.

Many women have trouble finding the right man because they haven’t nailed down exactly what it is that they are looking for in a man. Every woman knows the “types” of things that she is looking for in “Mr. Right”, whether it’s conscious or subconscious thinking.

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You’re probably thinking, “Why do I have to take the time to sit down and physically write out what a man must have before looking for him? What a waste of time!”

Well, there are actually a handful of benefits when it comes to writing down your “must-haves” in a man.

First off, by having your list handy, you will be able to immediately determine if a man “passes” the list. If he doesn’t, you can kindly “pass” on the opportunity and save yourself a lot of time and heartache that you may have wasted on the relationship.

Secondly, physically listing what you’re looking for in a man will help you determine what exactly it is that you ARE looking for. A lot of women think they know what they want, but often times it’s not what they need for a healthy, fulfilling relationship!

Take the time write it down and you will thank me for it later. So here we go.

Create a Must Have List: This is your absolute must have’s, if the guy doesn’t tick these boxes there is no point in going ahead. Think of a “must-have” list as having “goals” for what you’d want in your companion. It’s important to write down your “must-haves” regarding what you are looking for in a man before you even attempt to go out and find him. This list might include things like

What you might be willing to tolerate for in the right man. After all, no man is perfect, despite what you are lead to believe in movies.

•   He should have a good sense of humor

• Will be polite

• Will be educated

• Will be confident in himself, but not egotistical.

• Will be good at heart

•   I will be attracted to him

•   I can trust him

•   Is easy to talk to?

• I like should like the way he treats other women

• Will be responsible with money

This is just a starter list, you can go on as much as you like, the more you know about what you are looking for the better.

Could have List : This is the nice to have list, its not an absolute must but it will be good to have these qualities. Bear in mind that personal preference is the key here.

• He should be rich

• Should not be bald (could actually go in the must have list!)

• Will have a good spiritual connection, but not enough to make me think he may want to be a priest.

•  Will love wine

•  Will not try to teach me when I didn’t ask to be taught.

• Will not live across the country.

Cannot have List : This is the list for those attributes that are simply unacceptable for her to consider in a long term relationship.

• will not watch ESPN endlessly.

• will not be vain.

• will not snore…much.

• will not make me feel dumb or childish.

• will not have a fixation with his ex

• won’t have an extensive and publicly known porn collection.

Writing a list of the “must-haves” in regards to finding “Mr. Right” will prevent you from wasting time on men that aren’t right for you and help you determine what it is that you are looking for in a man!

If you are serious about finding the right man and keeping him , I highly recommend the Girl Gets Ring System.

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Number one rule in all the playbook. Don’t give him any kind of ultimatum whatsoever. Period. I’m not kidding with this one. Unless you plan on seeing the back of your man run off into the distant sunset, don’t even think about unleashing those fateful words in his presence. If you say to your guy either commit to me or this relationship is finished, which do you think he will choose? If you guessed the latter, ding, ding, ding, you get the prize. The moment he feels pressure..fugeddaboutit.

Next on the list of what not to do. Don’t give up your independence just to keep him. This is one of the biggest  mistakes a woman can make in her endeavors to try and get her guy to commit. The moment you start breaking plans and accommodating every last detail of his life is when he’s going to back way off. Girls, your guy loves your independent streak so don’t drop everything to get his shirts ironed, or tickets to his favorite band, or a hot meal on the table every night with out fail. You are a person too, and if you start turning into a Stepford Wife, you start to look desperate and that’s highly  unattractive. No one likes a control freak who’s only mission it is, is to snare her man into a relationship death hold.

What you can do instead is actually back off a little, just enough to make him think. You don’t have to date other men of course, that’s all dependent on how you strong you feel your relationship is with each other. Here’s the thing, if you make yourself mutually exclusive to him and go all out in your relationship before he gives you a solid commitment, then why would he want to make a commitment to you? Do you see what I am saying? Leave a little intrigue there, make him think, “wow, I have so much fun with this girl, I wish I got to spend more time with her!” So when he calls you for your regular date night, maybe brush him off once or twice. Casually drop that you’re going out to a concert or drinks with the girls. You want him to need you, not vice versa.

If you can successfully apply these three simple rules to your relationship, I will virtually guarantee you’re going to see a big improvement between the two of you. In fact, I would hedge a bet that if you are consistent, he will be coming to you and asking for the two of you to be mutually exclusive and committed.

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Know, understand and accept yourself     

 One of the hardest things one can possibly do is to genuinely accept oneself entirely, both the good and the bad. However, situations will arise that elicit certain realizations about our character and beliefs. Once enlightenment occurs, you must work to resolve your issues, acknowledge your inadequacies, discard your psychological crutches, and eventually learn to lov

How to Attract Good Men

e and respect yourself no matter what.

Once you have achieved this, you will be able to face the world with confidence and optimism that is plain for everyone to see, and this can be an especially attractive quality.

Deal with Longstanding Issues

 Living in the real world means dealing with issues from mildly irritating to seriously crippling, that may have a significant impact on how we handle relationships. For example, a woman who has been abused by a person she trusted will find it difficult to trust again. Consequently, the lack of trust will take its toll on a relationship. If she cannot face the past and deal with the issue, she is basically dooming all her relationships to the same fate. This is easier said than done, but no one says you have to do it alone. Get support from family, friends, even professional help if you have to. Only after you have dealt with the past can you get on with your life.

Look in the Right Places

If you want to buy your favorite designer perfume, where would you go, a general merchandise store or a designer boutique? Unless you plan to buy imitation designer perfume, my guess is the latter. The same thing applies to men. Although it may seem like too much effort, you have better chances of meeting the man of your dreams when you look in the right places. If you want a sensitive artist/musician who has an interest in cuisine, look around at music lounges or even cooking classes, and not in a rowdy dance club.

Pursue Your Interests

Pursuing your interests will not only make you happier and content, but the very picture of your satisfaction will increase your attractiveness. This also has the added benefit of increasing the odds of meeting a great guy who actually shares a common interest with you.

Keep Your Feet on the Ground

Although everyone likes to dream of meeting a man who fulfills your every expectation, you need to be realistic. To gain some perspective, take a look at how “perfect” you can be. I’m not telling you to belittle yourself, but rather, be less discriminating. Instead of looking for the entire package, make a list of qualities you cannot absolutely live without. Who knows, the ideal guy may be right in front of you.

# 1 Rule : Establishing open, honest communication from the very beginning

Too many times, a woman may tell lies at the beginning of a relationship because she believes the truth will somehow cause her to be less desirable or completely unattractive to the man. The importance of establishing open, honest communication

It is even more critical when you are dealing with a prospective husband. I can’t stress enough on how critical it is for the man to be totally accepting of who you really are in order for the relationship to flourish.

When men sense that you are not putting forward the ‘Real You’, out comes all the excuses, it can take the form of ‘ I need my space’,’ We need to slow down’ , I’m just not ready to settle down yet‘, that’s when you start wondering what on earth you did wrong..

Lying about self can cause the relationship to be built on a faulty foundation

What does lying or not being honest do to your long term prospects?

Lying to someone early in a relationship is like building a house on a foundation of sand. The house may stand initially, but it’s only a matter of time before a slight breeze picks up and sends the thing crashing down.  It’s up to you lay a strong foundation for your relationship or sabotage it right from the word go.

One lie turns into another until a person can never go back

What it Means to You: It is extremely common for people to lie about various things on first dates and in young relationships. It is important to understand that the only reason people lie about something is because they fear the other person won’t like them for who they really are.

For example, women often lie about previous relationships. Women who do this feel that they must lie about their previous relationships because the person they are lying to might see who they really are by being truthful. Now who would want that? (Kidding!)

If you start a relationship based on lies, it’s only a matter of time before it will come crashing down. All lies are eventually found out and you’ll see that the ramifications of a lie are far worse than the ramifications of telling the truth the first time around.

What does smart women need to know: Do yourself a favor and start each and every potential relationship off with the “real” you. If there is something a person doesn’t like about you, maybe it’s not meant to be. The reality of the matter is that the “real” you will eventually come out. Don’t set your relationship up for failure from day one.

There is a bigger issue which comes into play when you are not honest, you lose something which you don’t want to lose in a relationship, and it’s called ‘Trust’. Once a person has lied and the other person is aware of the lie, it can be hard to ever believe the “liar” again, don’t you think?

Trust is necessary no matter what kind of relationship it is, and losing that trust can be devastating to future of a relationship.

The game plan

• Take a bit of time and space to mull things over
• Determine you may have contributed to lack of commitment from him
• Sit down with him and have a chat. Be frank, supportive and as kind as you can, and listen to what he has to say.
• Remember telling a lie may give you short term gains but long term success diminishes exponentially.
• What are you willing to do to change it?
• start taking COMMITTED ACTION!

Starting at the top with his face, this is often the dead giveaway as to what he’s thinking about when you’re talking to him. If he’s giving you eye contact along with animated eyebrow movement indicates genuine interest in you. Be careful he’s not giving you prolonged eye contact though, that can be a sign of dominance and aggression, not really what you want. Of course a genuine smile with the eyes is also a very good clue you have his complete attention and interest.

The next part of his body that you want to pay attention to are his hands and arms. Take a peek at where his hands are when he’s talking to you. If they’re shoved in his pockets or behind his back, it’s a sure sign that he’s hiding something for you or is lacking interest in you or the conversation. However, if he’s happily gesturing with his hands during the conversation you can bet you’ve got his attention. Likewise, if his arms are crossed, that’s a sure sign of a defensive, on his guard guy. Often times if a guy puts his arms up and behind his head, it shows he is attentive to you and open to further conversation.

Here’s a body sign you never thought to pay attention to. His feet. Yup, his feet. No, you don’t have to undo his shoes to figure this out. Simply sneak a peek while you’re chatting with him. If both feet are pointed out and away from you, it’s a dead giveaway he’s just not that into you. If he has one foot pointed out and one pointing at you, it shows he is pretty conflicted about the conversation or relationship. He’s debating about making an escape. Now, if both feet are pointed towards you, you can bet you’ve got his full attention and he’s very interested in the conversation with you. Also, another tip that shows his interest in you is whether his feet actually touch yours. It’s a very intimate thing touching others feet, so he’s gently tapping your feet you’re in his thoughts.

Our last crucial part of reading his body language is his stance towards you. If he’s standing straight towards you with feet pointing at you, arms by his sides and chest out, you’ve got his full attention. On the opposite side if he’s standing slightly away from you from with arms folded over his chest and drooping shoulders, it’s a sure sign that he’s not interested in either you or the conversation.

If you can recognize these signs then you’re on the road to making some very good relationship decisions. Reading a man’s body language is not hard once you know what to look for.